Creative Blogs

I have tried online dating on three separate occasions. The first time I was terrified and the second time I was frustrated. The third time was better because I finally read-up on the topic, asked my friends what they were writing online, and experimented with my profile until I got the attention I wanted.

Do yourself a favor and don’t make the same mistakes I made.

Mistake Number One: Ignoring the Competition Weeks went by before I looked at another woman’s profile. It didn’t occur to me to compare myself to others and one-up my competition. If of women in my zip code have a picture of themselves at a baseball game, then shouldn’t I make myself stand out by posting a picture of myself playing the game?

Mistake Number Two: Never Changing Your Photo The first two times I was on Match I used the same photo. The third time I signed-up I searched men under 35 and found a guy I had seen on the first-go-round. Although I really liked him, I quickly changed my mind about writing him because his profile was exactly the same. I picked a new photo for myself and changed my profile a little every couple of weeks. I did this so guys who may have passed by me once, wouldn’t pass by me again.

Mistake Number Three: Upload the Wrong Photo It’s safe to assume that we’ve all been in relationships before, or have a friend of the opposite sex that likes to hug or hang on us. Avoid photos with other people or photos where it’s obvious someone has been cut out.

I think that pictures with puppies and babies are cheap. Nice try.

And then, of course, are the photos of you in your bathing suit. It’s great that you’re hot and want to tell someone, but keep it classy.

Mistake Number Four: Write a Novel The written portions of your profile should never be too long. Our attention spans just won’t withstand the 580 words describing your ideal date. Save the novel for the second, third and fourth e-mails because that will certainly let him or her know you’re interested.

Mistake Number Five: Played a Broken Record Make yourself sound unique by focusing on your distinctive attributes like, for instance, the fact that your eyes change from hazel to green depending on your outfit. Avoid clich phrases like “I’m laid back” or “My friends say I’m…” Making yourself stand out may be the most important aspect of an online profile.

Mistake Number Six: Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve Anyone looking at your profile doesn’t care that you were just dumped or that you’ve been hurt before. Saying things like “I’m looking for Mr. Right after so many Mr. Wrongs” or “I’m looking to have fun after a horrible break-up” only scares away a lot of great suitors who are fearful of your baggage.

Mistake Number Seven: Forgetting to Get a Second Opinion It’s hard to write about yourself, let’s be honest. Asking a friend to write or review your profile is one of the best things you can do. If that’s not an option, for a small fee there are many services that will help you put together the written portions of your profile.

Online dating is not hard, and shouldn’t be scary. If you have the right attitude and keep your expectation realistic-as you should do in all types of dating-the outcome will only be positive.

My friend Violet recently met a guy on Match. The two of them had a lot in common, namely a love of camping and a fear of blue-colored foods. Combine this with the fact that she had been online for almost a year, so she was pretty comfortable doing the “almost-blind-date” thing after only few e-mails.

“Before we’d even sat down at the sushi restaurant - the new one downtown - he went in for a kiss at the bar,” Violet said. “I hadn’t even gotten a drink yet and I had to turn my face so he only got my cheek.”

Violet and I agree that men like this are creepy, not to mention desperate, misunderstood, or maybe just unable to decipher social cues. As Violet tried to laugh off the kiss, he reached for her hand. She pulled away only for him to put his arm around her shoulders.

As far as I know footsy is a tool screenwriters use to create sexual tension among their characters. But once Violet sat down for dinner, her date promptly took off his right shoe and tried to play footsy. I can’t believe people really do this.

Violet’s talent is her scowl. She is the only one with this talent. I’ve never been able to duplicate it and I think it should be patented. In fact, I don’t even have the words to describe the way her facial muscles contort and scrunch and the way her head drops to look out of the corner of her eyes. I think it’s a mixture of disapproval, disgust, shock, and frustration. Yet her date didn’t interpret any of this from her non-verbal queue to STOP.

“At this point, there were so many problems with him,” explained Violet. “To start, he wasn’t smart enough to know my scowl meant to back off. It felt like he was flirting the way men do in soft-porn, so I just asked him what his problem was. I said, ‘don’t you know how to behave on a date?’”

He responded by laughing and reaching across the table to grab her hands. He said, “I’m coming on to you, don’t you know what it’s like?”

“Yah, I do, and I don’t really like it,” she responded as he ran all ten of his fingers across hers. “Do you have itchy finger tips or something, why are you still touching me?”

She felt she should stay through the dinner to help women everywhere. If she continued to show him how bad he was acting, maybe he would change. Unfortunately the next day it was obvious that her efforts to teach this man how were wasted. In the usual follow-up e-mail, he said their date was enjoyable and that he looked forward to kissing her voluptuous lips and holding her hands for real, “like grown-ups do.”

Whatever “like grown-ups do” is supposed to mean I don’t know, but it sounds dirty. Violet wrote: “Do me a favor, please keep your shoes on when you’re in public, always. And hey, I will not be seeing you again.”

Well done Violet. Couldn’t have said it better myself. So for the rest of you out there that struggle with an itchy-fingered date, here is a recap:

Joke about how affectionate he is Dirty looks work Ask if he has a problem Point out his dating faux pas Follow up in an e-mail telling him what bothered you

When a female is attracted to a male, it is because the male has shown her that he possesses high quality genes. A female wants to have high quality children, evolutionarily speaking. For that reason, her #1 natural criterion when choosing a partner is whether or not the man has exhibited good characteristics (good genes).

Certainly, women don’t consciously make this choice. It is a result of billions of years of evolution. We are merely animals. Advanced animals, but animals even so. When a woman becomes interested in having sex with a man, her thoughts are not “He has superior genes so I want to sleep with him so I can have superior offspring”.

More accurately, her thoughts are “He is charming. I like him. He makes me feel like a woman”. Her emotions tell her, not her sound, sensible conscious mind.

This should make sense. Consider every time you have seen this. You have probably noticed women falling for guys that didn’t seem worthy of her. Slimy, even. Had you looked closer, you would have seen that they probably were displaying the characteristics we are talking about here.

When a woman is in the presence of a man like this, rational thoughts fly out the window. How many times have you heard a woman say she likes a certain kind of man, but dates the exact opposite?

The seduction of a woman can be broken down into four parts.

* The man has alpha male traits and he is where the woman can see and observe him.

This should seem obvious. You can have the goods, but if you don’t display them, how will she know? You simply must leave the house and go where women are.

* The woman sends the man signals that she is interested.

The majority of men are not very good at reading a woman’s body language. Fortunately, it is a learned skill that can be developed over time.

* After receiving the signals, the man approaches the women

All I can say is when approaching her, the conversation must be pertinent to the location. If you are at the grocery store, talk about the produce. If you are in church, mention on the choir. If you are in class, comment on the instructor. Never use pickup lines. The essential point to keep in mind is the angle you approach her (45 degrees) and your body language. Make sure to turn your head a little to face her and not to face her directly. This is invasive.

* At some point after meeting, the man discreetly presents the woman an opportunity to be alone with him (Without mentioning sex).

Discretion is very important. Don’t embarrass her in front of her friends, and don’t mention sex directly. This will ruin your chances. Even if she wants to have sex with you, she won’t if you bring it up directly. The key is to make up an excuse for the two of you to be alone. She’ll get the idea and can either “accept” or “reject” your invitation.

A lot of men when they start dating a woman for the first time make some very stupid mistakes that could have easily been avoided. It is these kinds of mistakes which can ruin a date and which result in a woman walking away from a relationship before it has even begun. Below we offer some dating tips, which can help you to avoid such mistakes in the future, and which can help to improve the relationship you have with a woman currently.

1. Never Giver Her Flowers or Candy - Once the relationship is more established then these are an appropriate gift to give to the woman of your dreams. However, during the early stages of dating it is best to avoid such gifts altogether. Many women will feel that there is some underlying ulterior motive for them being presented with such presents rather than as a way for the guy to tell her how much he cares for her.

2. Are You Predictable? - A woman likes a man who is a challenge they want someone who is likely to do something unpredictable and which will create excitement in the relationship. If you keep doing the same old things with them time and time again, they will soon become bored and look elsewhere for excitement in their lives.

3. Do Not Limit Yourself - Just as with above by restricting what you are doing with the woman when dating will actually restrict the direction in which your relationship is likely to go as well. Also do not limit yourself to a particular kind of woman, rather date as many different types as you can as this will bring much more excitement in to the relationship if you do.

4. Too Much Interest At Once - If you want to avoid a woman walking away from you in the early stages of the relationship then avoid asking too many questions about themselves. Men who want to know everything about a woman in a first date are very insecure and the woman will feel uncomfortable with the situation and will prefer to walk away before getting too deeply involved.

5. Do Not Keep Calling Her - Rather than calling her every day rather, what you should be doing during the early stages of the relationship is only make contact over the phone when arranging a date. Instead, what you should be doing is keeping all the conversation for when you are together. If you do keep calling her a woman will see your insecurities and in the end will often find this unattractive and choose to walk away from the relationship.

6. Never Moan About Others - Yes all women like to have a good old bitch about others, but only with their friends and certainly not when out on a date. If you really want to keep them interested in you, then make sure that the date is full of excitement and fun. Certainly if you want to complain or moan about others then keep this for when with your own mates.

Hopefully the dating tips that we have provided above will help to ensure that you avoid some of the more common mistakes men make when dating. Certainly if you keep these in mind then hopefully the women you date will enjoy the time that they spend with you and respond in a more positive way towards you.

When the person you love decides to call it quits on you, it can really throw your world for a spin. Up can become down, and what was right can become very wrong…but your life can be set straight again, and it doesn’t even have to be that difficult!

Yeah, you read it correctly…you can get your ex back and go on with life stronger than ever before! What’s even better, I’m going to tell you 4 solid, real-life things that you can do to get started right now!

1) Get out, have some fun with friends. You may not feel like having fun is even possible, but if you get out and into life again while you surround yourself with people you care about and who care about you, you’ll surprise yourself by actually having a pretty good time.

You may be wondering how this helps to get your ex back…and that’s a fair question. See, there’s more to getting your ex back than just endless apologies and promises…your ex wants to see some change in you, some strength that wasn’t there before. Not allowing yourself to be stricken helpless by your loss is a great way to stand up and show everyone (including yourself) that you’re a better and stronger person than you know. What’s more, this can attract some more attention from the opposite sex, which fires up that whole “hey, maybe I made a mistake here, look at all the people interested in him(her?).”

2) Look back over your past relationships, focusing on the most recent. It may be painful or seem like it’s no use, but you have to do this if you plan on actually getting back your ex effectively. You have to come up with a clear understanding of the things you did in your past relationships that helped cause them to fail. You can’t get past your mistakes if you keep making them.

And don’t just think I’m being hurtful without knowing your story. Your ex dumped you, that’s all I need to know to reliably reason that somewhere down the line you did something, or didn’t do something, that caused a fracture between you. Over time, that gap grew wider as you kept adding to it, and eventually it tore you completely apart. That’s just the way it usually happens. Don’t hate yourself for it turning out this way…just take care of the things you did, and never do them again. Doing this will not only give you a better chance of pulling off a reunion with your ex, it can help any and all future relationships to last better.

3) Keep up your physical appearance. When you sit around all day pining over lost love, you tend to let yourself go…and that gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ain’t helping. Don’t let yourself slide in the fitness/hygiene department…remember that you want your ex to want to come back to you, and to do that you need to be in shape at least as good as you were when you were together, and it helps to have showered in the last week and a half.

4) Top #1 most important thing (even though I’m listing it at number 4) is to make sure that you go about the “plan of attack” very subtly and stealthily. I don’t mean stalk the poor person, but take things slowly and smooth-like. First off is to not even talk to the person for a little while, just give your ex some space. Chances are, it’ll be appreciated because you’re not exactly the first person he or she wants to talk to right this moment.

And don’t forget to keep it light and simple when you eventually do get to the point that re-establishing contact becomes appropriate. Don’t use any method more aggressive than a simple phone call or email, and stay away from the topic of getting back together, unless your ex makes it unavoidable. Chances are good that if you take it easy and just express an interest in how your ex is doing, eventually you two will get a little more comfortable and possibly spend a little time together as friends.

When you get to this stage, you want to make sure that you keep it light and simple. Again, no “feelings” talk. Just do things that the two of you used to really enjoy together, and it’ll bring back happy memories. Bring back enough happy memories, and let it show enough that you’ve been working hard on your flaws and keeping yourself together, and you just may spark enough interest to inspire your ex to want to stop being an “ex” anymore.

I can’t guarantee your specific situation will fit easily into the space I’ve mapped out for it, but that’s going to happen when every relationship is made up of two completely unique people…but I can tell you that these guidelines I’ve given you will help you in any situation. At least keep them in mind as a way of thinking, and you’ll have a much better chance of getting your ex back.